Engaged life: how we planned our mill valley engagement party
Am I behind or what? I finally had the chance to sit down and go through all of the photos from our engagement party in September. Can you tell I’m like, the most relaxed bride ever? Luckily we finally set a date and picked our wedding venue! We’ve got exactly a year until the wedding, which means I need to start planning!
We had our engagement party about two months after we got engaged in Cabo. My dad wanted to throw the party up in Northern California, so we opted to keep it simple and low stress. Since we’re planning on having a destination wedding and keeping the guest list super small (think family and a couple close friends only), we decided to skip throwing a Southern California engagement party. Instead, we’re thinking about throwing a post-wedding celebration where we can invite more friends and family to party and celebrate after we’re married.
Planning our engagement party in Mill Valley was pretty straight forward. I had about a month to plan it which is plenty of time, but definitely have some tips for staying organized & planning the perfect party.
HOW WE PLANNED OUR MILL VALLEY ENGAGEMENT PARTY
First things first, planning a destination engagement party was kind of like a rehearsal for planning a destination wedding. There are a lot of things to weigh before throwing any type of party in a different city or state. If you’re going to do it, staying organized is key. You won’t be able to see things or coordinate in person, so getting a solid game plan together and staying organized will keep things running smoothly and you from having a full blown meltdown.
Reminder: you don’t have to have an engagement party. You do you! Like I said, we decided to have one in Marin County (Mill Valley) so that we could celebrate with my family and friends that I don’t get to see very often. There are so many option for pre wedding celebrations and wedding parties. It was also the perfect excuse to invite my future bridesmaids to celebrate with us without having to make them fly across the state! Depending on the size of your potential party or parties, you can throw a single giant party, multiple smaller parties, or just skip it and buy a fancy bottle of champagne to drink with your fiance!
STEP ONE: WHO’S HOSTING?
Who’s going to host your engagement party?
My dad offered to throw our engagement party at his house in Mill Valley.
Traditionally, the bride’s parents host the engagement party. But it doesn’t really matter. Whether it’s a friend, family member, sibling, your fiance’s family or even if you decide to throw it yourself. Anyone can host the party.
Since we were throwing it across the state, I offered to help my dad plan it. He was in charge of getting his house ready & some of the big stuff like:
- Making sure the house was clean
- Checking all of the outdoor lights
- Stocking up on propane for the outdoor heaters
- Checking all of the supplies I had shipped to him
- Cleaning the house before the party
STEP TWO: Pick A Date
Seems pretty obvious right?
Engagement parties are usually thrown shortly after getting engaged. Some people even announce their engagement to friends and family at a surprise party. But if you’re having a longer engagement or don’t have time to travel home right away, don’t stress on rushing into party planning mode.
We opted to give people a month’s notice for our engagement party. Since our friends and family in Northern California live all over the Bay Area, I wanted to give them time to sort out babysitters, carpooling, days off of work, etc.
I also wanted to make sure it was a convenient day and time, so we decided to do it on a Saturday night. It’s important to take into consideration where you might be throwing it, whether it’s going to be indoors or outdoors, the weather, etc before picking a date & time. If you’re throwing a winter engagement party, taking the cooler weather and earlier sunsets are important. If it’s in the middle of summer, planning it after the sun goes down might help keep people cool.
Step Three: The Guest List
Honestly, picking the guest list (and wedding guest list) has been one of the more stressful aspects of planning.
Most of the time, anyone who’s invited to the engagement party should be invited to the wedding. However, since we’re having a very intimate destination wedding, we didn’t stick with tradition.
I don’t get to see a lot of my family and friends from my hometown. So we wanted to use it as an excuse to see a lot of people we don’t always have the time to hang out with when we’re in town for a couple of days.
Since my dad was hosting the party, I checked in with him as well. I wanted to make sure he got the opportunity to invite people and have a say in the guest list.
STEP FOUR: PICK A LOCATION
This was “step two” for us. Once my dad offered to throw the party, we decided to have it at his house.
Engagement parties can be as big or small and as formal or informal as you want. Having a party at someone’s house is always a low key option. Throwing it in a private dining room or event space is great if you’re feeling more formal.
Depending on how many people you’re inviting, plan accordingly. It’s also important to keep budget in mind. Renting out a space can be expensive. But so can trying to buy a ton of party supplies, plates, cups & decorations. Think about your budget & the best way to accommodate everyone without going over.
Step Five: The food
Obviously, this was my favorite part. I mean, I’m a foodie!
I didn’t want to have anything too formal. I wanted to make sure people could grab food, hang out & have fun. Instead of having a formal, sit down meal, I wanted fun finger foods that kept people mingling.
I’m a cheese girl, so I had to have a cheese plate. One of my favorite restaurants in Marin is called Farmshop. They have the best wood fired pizzas and brunch. They also offer catering! They were really helpful in giving ideas for what to order & how much I’d need. It can be hard to gauge the amount of food you’ll need per person, but they’re pros! I got the most EPIC CHARCUTERIE BOARD from them. They even plated it for us on a beautiful wood board. Not only was it delicious, but super pretty and served as a giant centerpiece for the table when people walked into the party. Definitely a show stopper! We also got dips, vegetables & freshly made crackers from them. It was the perfect appetizer selection.
My favorite part of the engagement party was hands down The GrilledCheezGuy. You read that right. The GrilledCheezGuy a grilled cheese caterer! They set up a grilled cheese station in the back yard and made over the top grilled cheese sandwiches on demand for the guests!
Their private catering is available at all levels and grilled cheeses can be cooked inside or outside. If you’re in the bay area, you can stop by one of their locations and even order their grilled cheeses on Uber Eats. They came and set up their station in the yard and made an assortment of cheesy sandwiches for a few hours, like:
- The Napa: grilled figs, brie, truffle cheese, honey, powdered sugar & acme pan de mie
- Patty Meltz: beef chuck, sharp cheddar, swiss, caramelized onion, ketchup & rye roll
- El Nino: Fresh guacamole, jalapenos, pepper jack, cheddar & creamy havarti
- CA Cheesy: fresh basil, mozzarella, sliced tomatoes, EVO & a rustic role
- Cheeza: grilled cheez pizza with mozzarella, tomato sauce, pepperoni, mushroom & ciabatta
If you’re serving booze in any form, you’ll want some food available also. For an evening of cocktails, opt for passed appetizers or a display of cheeses, meats, and crudités. Gathering in the backyard? Your favorite cookout fare is a must. If the evening will be more formal, a plated meal is a nice touch, but doesn’t have to be a drawn-out five course meal with wine pairings.
Step Six: The Drinks
Most people would combine steps five and six, but as a food and drink lover, I felt the need to give them both a lot of thought!
I wanted to make sure there were plenty of drinks to go around. It was also important to get a variety of types of alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks, that way all of our guests could find something they liked. I had drinks delivered to my dad’s house from some of my favorite brands. That way, we didn’t have to stress about driving to the store the day of the party.
Here’s what we got:
- Greenbar Distillery Ixa Tequila & Tru Vodka. Ixa Reposado is one of our favorite tequilas that we discovered at Cantina Mayahuel in San Diego. They also distill a range of other spirits. We opted to stick with tequila and vodka so that people could make margaritas or vodka sodas. Their tequila is amazing and great for sipping on as well if you prefer it neat!
- Fick’s Premium Cocktail Mix – perfect for making margaritas, bloody mary’s, lemondrops, moscow mules and palomas! They also sell their cocktail mixes on Amazon, so you can try them at home. They blend really well and are low sugar / low calorie which is also a plus! They also make really tasty hard seltzers – the grapefruit flavor is my favorite.
- Crook & Marker Hard Seltzer – an awesome, spiked seltzer brand that has zero sugar and is made with organic alcohol. They have a ton of great flavors like coconut pineapple, mango, grapefruit and blackberry lime. You can pick them up at Target too! They’re made from quinoa, amaranth, millet & cassava root, so they’re also gluten free.
- Chandon Champagne -miniature bottles so that everyone could have their own bottle to toast with. They even sent little flute sippers for each of them! You can also pick the flute sippers up on Amazon!
- Boxed Water – to stay hydrated! I also love that they’re providing a sustainable option to single-use plastic water bottles.
Step Six: The Dessert
A lot of people might lump food, drinks & dessert into one category. But I find it helpful to divide and conquer.
I love dessert. So I wanted to put together a complete dessert table. Part grazing station, part shrine to my beautiful cake!
I ordered the most beautiful, aesthetically pleasing, on brand cake possible. Butter& is a San Francisco based bakery that makes the most stunning cakes I’ve ever seen. Honestly, our two tier marble cake looked like it could be the centerpiece at a chic wedding. They sell both signature and custom cakes, which can be picked up or delivered in San Francisco. For each tier we opted for:
- SWEET CREAM + ROASTED BERRIES // raspberry, strawberry, and blueberry compote paired with pure buttercream and sweet cream-soaked cake
- HAZELNUT + CHOCOLATE // hazelnut praline buttercream topped with chocolate ganache and toasted hazelnuts
In addition to our cake, we had a beautiful assortment of desserts from Sift Dessert Bar. There’s a Sift in my hometown of Santa Rosa, where I fell in love with their cupcakes. But there are also locations in San Francisco, Petaluma, Cotati and Napa. I stopped in at their San Francisco shop to pick up an assortment of cupcakes, whoopie cookies, cruffles & macarons.
Step Seven: The Decor
We wanted to keep things super mellow, so I focused on ordering some flowers & custom party favors to decorate the space.
We were able to order flowers from Urban Stems, an awesome floral website that allows you to order flowers, centerpieces, plants and even bouquets for next day delivery. I love that you can pick out the flowers you want, know the pricing up front & have them delivered directly. I’m definitely planning on working with them in the future for all of our other wedding events. It’s so easy, affordable and the flowers were beautiful.
We also ordered a ton of custom party supplies, which I’ll do a separate blog post about next week. I think that ordering a few custom items to add to the atmosphere of the party is a huge game changer. I worked with For Your Party, who makes super chic, modern, customizable items. We were able to order custom cups, napkins, coasters & cups – all customized in the colors, fonts & aesthetic we were looking for. I highly recommend their site because it’s not your typical “mass production” customizable swag site. They’ve got really cool colors, patterns, inspiration pages & an awesome staff who can help you customize your own items.
We also ordered some fun decor from Jamboree Style. They have super cute tableware and party decorations. All of the cute, glittery cupcake toppers, silverware and plates were from their site. They have a really cool category of their site that allows you to shop by color or theme. You can also order a ready to go party box – which I’m thinking would be perfect for my upcoming bachelorette party and bridal shower! We also got the most beautiful balloon garland that my sister and I put together – literally Pinterest goals. Unfortunately, we put it up the night before and the weather destroyed it. I’m excited to order another one of their balloon garland kits for one of our next parties though. They send you everything you need to make a chic balloon arrangement.
Step Eight: The Finishing Touches
To finish the scene, we added a ton of candles, twinkle lights & string lights. You can order all of them from Amazon, which makes it super convenient if you’re having the party at a different location. You can also order a ton of fun engagement party favors and last minute decorations.
Depending on your location, I recommend adding a few personal touches. Whether it’s a few candles or some cute framed photos of you and your significant other.
Step Nine: What to Wear
Ummm… hello. I can finally wear white EVERYWHERE!
Choose attire that’s appropriate for the party’s setting: a sundress for an outdoor celebration, a cocktail dress for a more formal evening. Have your significant other dress accordingly. You don’t have to go all-white if you don’t want to though!
I ordered a TON of options because I was super stressed out. Which ended up working to my advantage because I got makeup and food handprints on multiple dresses!
LIKELY has some of the most flattering white dresses on the market that won’t break the bank.
The white dress you see me wearing in all of my photos was actually dress number 3. No joke, I got makeup on dress number one and a greasy handprint on the butt of dress number 2. Oddly enough, it was one of my faves, super comfortable and reasonably priced at only $66 from Superdown/Revolve!
Keep scrolling to the end of the post and I’ll link every white dress I bought! For reference – I’m 5’7″ and a standard size small / 4 in dresses.
Be sure to let me know what other types of wedding / engaged life content you want to see! Stay tuned for more to come!!
Shop My Engagement Party Dresses
Here is a link to the exact dress I wore to our engagement party from Revolve!
