Grownup Pains: Adulting Sucks

So, this is kind of a random topic, but I feel like it’s fairly relatable.

Do you remember when you were a little kid and your legs would just ache, so badly that you’d toss and turn in bed, praying to the gods that it would be over soon and you’d miraculously be finished growing. That’s the best comparison I can come up with for what’s been going on in my brain over the past few months.

No, this isn’t some pity party. I’m not looking for any reassurance that everything will be ok or for someone to tell me how dramatic I’m being. Real talk: being in your 20s blows. When you’re a kid, you just want to be a teenager. Because teenagers get to do cool shit like drive cars and buy bras. When you’re a teenager, all you can think about is being an adult. You want your parents to give you space & live in a rule free zone. Now that I’m a ‘real’ adult, I realize those were the golden years. Ok, I know everyone goes through shit and being young is FAR from easy. But when you enter your mid 20s, it’s a whole new ball game filled with insecurity, frustration, indecisiveness, emotional bingo, and a general roller coaster of constantly being overwhelmed.

Now that I’m in my dreaded “late 20s” (eww gross I know), it’s almost hard to remember what being in my early 20s was actually like. And I don’t mean what it looks like on Instagram. I call bullshit on all of those bloggers who post their carefree Coachella adventures and endless brunches. I’m going to be real for a second, I clean up dog crap and have credit card bills, just like the rest of the population. Sometimes, I eat top ramen because I’m lazy and don’t have the energy to walk 2 blocks to get real food.

Ok, I got sidetracked… I’ve been experiencing what I’m going to start calling “Grown Up Pains”. I’m already here, I’m a grown up. About a year and a half ago I had what is commonly referred to as a quarter life crisis. I am (and was) 110% fulfilled at home and with my relationships. Which made it increasingly hard for me to ignore how much I HATED my job. After a series of meltdowns and floor cries, I quit my job and started my own business. I’ve been running my marketing business and surprisingly doing pretty well for a new business owner. And I need to reiterate x 100000 that I am happy and love my life.

But, being in your 20s is shitty. You’re old enough to know better, but not old enough to have everything entirely figured out. I have a fairly steady business, but it’s not as amazing as I know it could be. I don’t have the time or capacity to even figure out what my business would look like in a dream world. I’m constantly putting out new business fires, dealing with insane clients, trying to troubleshoot why my internet isn’t working, at the Apple Genius bar arguing with people about why my mother f’ing computer keeps freezing, waiting on late payments, trying to pay my employees, trying to understand why health insurance is so god damn expensive and so on and so on.

As a reasonably intelligent 28 year old, I feel like everyone expects me to be super mature and have my shit together. Guess what, I don’t feel 28. I literally feel younger and more clueless than I did when I was 18. At least when I was 18 I was overly confident in knowing EVERYTHING about the universe. I’ve realized that as I get older, the way that I critique myself and the expectations I set are more intense and kind of unrealistic. I always thought that by the time I was almost 30 (gag) I would be some business mogul wearing power suits with a personal jet that was fueled by glitter & sprinkles. But instead, I’m sitting here, writing this blog in a sweatshirt & vans, wondering what kind of ice cream to eat for lunch.

Maybe you’re not in your late 20s, but I feel like most people can relate to the confusion of just trying to figure life the fuck out. Whether your 17 and trying to figure out what happens after you graduate from high school, 21 graduating college and trying to find a job, or like me… old AF trying to determine whether or not I’m an adult beginner or if everyone around me is up the same creek with 1 paddle.

So… I’m making a deal with myself. I’m saying F expectations and “the norm”. My life is unique and I should set unique goals for myself. I’m making a conscious decision to cut myself some slack, eat that ice cream & celebrate being self-sufficient. Here are some of the ways I’m trying to help train my brain to stay positive and prevent myself from crawling into a little ball of emotion:

1. Start Positive. Every morning when I’m sipping on my coffee, I scan Pinterest for a new QOTD. You can see all of my faves on my Words of Wisdom board!
2. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Anytime I notice myself freaking out over something stressful with work, I stop myself and breathe. I pop my QOTD up and refocus.
3. Don’t snowball. I have to make a conscious effort not to let vague fears freak me out or to start making long term, vague assumptions. Just because I get a less than amazing email from a client doesn’t mean all of my clients are going to disappear and I’m going to be penniless in 2 days.
4. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise. I swear, exercising every day is one of the most important parts of my routine because it literally keeps me sane.
5. Shut Off. Wait, I have to drop my iPhone for 30 minutes at night and actually pay attention to the TV? I try my hardest to completely shut off technology (except for some late night Game of Thrones). I’m not a heart surgeon, my emails can wait until the morning.
6. Recap. At the end of every day, I have been forcing myself to write (yes physically write) 3 things down that I am proud of doing for the day. I write them on a sticky note & leave it on my computer. That way, when I go to work then next morning, it’s a friendly reminder of what went right the day before.

Totally unrelated: I want to give HUGE props to my girl Alysha Nett for taking these awesome film shots of my recently! She’s an awesome photographer and I’m so excited to see her killing it , pursuing her passion! And FYI the dress I’m wearing is under $20 from Forever 21!